i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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