the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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