white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
