Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize