it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
