Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
