i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
