Just fell off a train. Bad.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
