the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
