The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
