my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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