Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize