Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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