Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
