i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize