Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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