Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
