doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
