it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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