I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
