Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
