"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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