How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
