just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
