I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you had me at cake vodka
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And then my night got REAL pukey
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize