is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
