i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
