Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
