are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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