oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
