cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
