I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
