I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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