Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
