just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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