did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
