I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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