When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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