apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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