I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
