Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
