I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We need to get me chipped asap
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
