Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
