How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
