Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I need to stop coming to work sober
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
