you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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