2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
