Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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