she looked like the bat from fern gully.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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