i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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