yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
this is an emotional support booty call
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
