Ambien. No doubt about it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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