Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
