I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize