I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
