now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
