Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Randomize
