You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
