Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my shit smells like andre
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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