If i come over, it means nothing
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
