Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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