I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
