cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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