I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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