Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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