Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
