Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
