Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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