She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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