I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
