is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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