i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
