Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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