There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
whose ass print is on the piano?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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