uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
