hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
