Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
