Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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