Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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