I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize