Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
