Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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