he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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