we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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