Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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