My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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