One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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