the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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