i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
