i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
