If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I supernannyed him into submission
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
