I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
