Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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