Apparently you make a good broom.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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