I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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