Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize