I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
