Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
