nutella sex= disaster
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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