it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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