My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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