I didn't shave. On purpose
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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