I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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