im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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